Turning Two-pretty, happy, funny real

I can't believe my ever so cautious husband put two burning candles right on a two year old's high chair tray..  Nick didn't know what to think at first but with his big brother's encouragement (as seen in top picture) he was excited and happy to have a chance to blow out the candles like his older sister and brother have been doing during Advent when blowing out the candles of the Advent wreath after our brief and irregular evening devotions.

The celebration was very low key.  We were expecting my brother and my nephews to come in the morning but we hadn't communicated how early so they missed the birthday cinnamon roll with the candles on top.  They did sing happy birthday to him later in the evening however and got to see him open his Christmas/birthday present from his Godparents.  It is hard to think of a birthday party right after the Holiday festivities and goodies when you are really trying to turn over a new leaf and get rid of the sweets.  I guess such is the fate of a child's birthday near Christmas time.  Or at least my child.  It is also easier to get away with this with a two year old.  What happens in the future remains to be seen.

The pictures above are shots that I took with my with my new camera I got for Christmas. Arent' the candy canes pretty?  It really does take some nice pictures and it is interesting to see the difference between my new camera and the old point and shoot.  I really love it.

It always seems unbelievable that Christmas comes and everything turns out all right as far as getting things together.  I was having a rough time before Christmas this year as toward the beginning of December we decided to increase my depression medication as I wasn't sleeping.  The increased medication had a horrible effect on my and caused panic attacks and just a terrible feeling. It was so bad that I had to turn around and come back home when I was driving to a rehearsal one evening. I decided to start taking walks and I have been sleeping well for the past few weeks for whatever reason.

Hair Cut

This is a picture of the baby's haircut. Last Friday was my birthday.  On Thursday evening my husband told me that he had scheduled for us to have family photos taken the next day.  I have to admit that this stressed me out: finding clothes for the kids to wear, I would have liked to have gotten my hair cut, finding clothes for myself to wear.  I also had to leave mid afternoon of that day to go out of town for the night for rehearsals and a concert.  I don't like to have too much scheduled for one day and that day, my birthday, I felt like I did.  In short this was why I finally cut the babies hair.

Outside on a Fall Day; Reflections on Where to Live

It's been so so long since I posted anything.  I wanted to get pics of the kids out in their warm clothes on a somewhat crisp morning after relatively warm days.  This week is kind of a big week for us with symphony rehearsals and birthdays.  We just had our back yard fenced in and I love it.  I don't have to tell the kids to stay in our yard and I don't have to worry about them getting into our large window well. It is nice to be able to send them out and have them be contained.  

We are considering moving from our little house.  We are trying to fix it up so it is nice for us at least and then if we want to we can put it on the market in reasonably good shape.  If we stay here we will have this place paid off in 11 years, my husband can continue to bike to work, we have the option of taking bikes on various errands.  We could move to another house in the city and that would be alright but I think our property taxes would be much higher than they are now.  We often consider moving to the country which would be a big change for us and it would mean a second car and husband driving much farther to work.  

In the country we would have more area for a bigger garden, we have options for things like keeping bees, chickens, quiet, more space to run, implementing homesteading ideas.  Of course keeping animals does come with added responsibilities and less opportunity to roam and come and go as you please.  I haven't traveled much in my life and I wonder if I ever will go over seas.  We also talk about going to Main and French Canada and speak French.  

We do live in a pretty little neighborhood with lots of trees and chipmunks, squirrels, birds, sometimes deer in our back yard and I also like the idea of making do where we are.  It would be less trouble; but going for the option just because it "less trouble" isn't how we want to live life is it?  

Right Now

I need to get up and start supper.  We are having this:

http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/2014/01/black-eyed-pea-chili-with-quinoa-and-corn.html

I replace the black eyed peas with pinto beans and quinoa with millet.

The kids are working in their old coloring/activity books at their little table.

Gabe cut up onions for me before starting his homework.

Baby is napping.

It's a little grey with a little sun shining through.

I hope to get out for a walk.

I'm going to boil water for a cup of tea and then start supper.

Monday Musings

This weekend...We went to 4:00 mass on Saturday because we were going to visit Andy's parents on Sunday.  We hadn't seen them since Thanksgiving and Gabe didn't have to serve at Latin mass or have any other commitments and it was a beautiful day (Has spring finally come to stay?)so it was a good time to go.

We had a nice visit.  We brought some soup for lunch.  Andy cut everything up for the soup the night before and I put it together the next day before we went.  Grandma had some premade rolls she put in the oven along with Strawberries and an Angelfood cake she bought from the store.  I put the water in the and cooked it when we got there.

I have to admit I was a little nervous cooking in my mother-in-laws kitchen. It's difficult to know how much help to give/offer to people who don't ask for help.  They live in their own home and I don't want to imply that they can't take care of themselves but I can see that Mom in law gets tired easily doing the work so as long as we're there...

When we got home I went to the coffee shop for a few hours with my lap top.  I think I should try and do this at least every other week as it allows me time to sit and think and maybe even plan.

I wrote down a list of things that I want to clean this Lent for Spring Cleaning and finished a Postulant lesson for the Penitents.  I also put some books on hold at the library and put some books on my Amazon book lists.

Right now...It is seven thirty in the morning and it should really be 6:30.  I was doing well at getting up at 5:00 AM before everyone else and now it has turned into 6:00 the time when everybody else should be getting up too.  Gabe just left for school with the van and Andy is going to ride his bike for the first time this year.  The weather forecast for this week looks very promising.  So happy it is beginning to look like Spring.
Some plans for this week: begin my spring cleaning list.  I am starting with book shelves.  Try to get to daily mass two times this week, make yogurt (we'll see), going for walks outside with the kids (we haven't done this since fall). Get practicing again.  Take the kids out for a walk as the weather gets warmer and provided it is not raining.

If I find the time I want to... see plans for this week.

I'm praying for...my mother and father-in-law as they are living in their home and struggling with decreasing physical abilities, my husband that God blesses the work he does every day, for a deceased parishoner who became ill and died very suddenly, for a deceased penitent.

I'm grateful for...confession, forgiveness, insight into my failings so I can take responsablity for them as I am more prone to look to blame another

Something that makes me smile...

This picture of my baby from last summer.

Apple Dumpling Cake for Supper

 Last night we had apple dumpling cake and popcorn for supper.  I had lots of apples and didn't really have anything else ready for supper. So what the heck?  I used this recipe I found at All Recipes. We all liked it.

3 lbs apples, cored and sliced (I didn't peel them)
2 cups all purpose flour, I used half white whole wheat
1 1/2 cups of sugar (I used only one cup)
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
2 eggs beaten
1 cup vegetable oil (I used half a cup oil and one half cup yogurt)
1 tsp ground cinnamon

1. Preheat oven to 350. Lightly grease a 9x13 pan.

2. Place sliced apples in baking dish. In a medium bowl, mix together the flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt. Stir in eggs and oil; pack on top of apples. Sprinkle with cinnamon.

3. Bake in preheated oven for 40 to 45 minutes, or until topping is puffed and golden brown.

Odds and ends on Monday

Last week we got out of the house a went for a total of two walks which was really great.  It is so good for us to get out of the house and I like to stay in touch with the seasons.  I can't do this if I don't go out side.  It is fall of course so it is really the best time of year for going for walks.  I've been taking baby in the baby carrier and that makes it even more fun.  C and E run and run.  They don't really run in our back yard.

Last week I also made some apple butter in my crock pot out of the free apples given to us the Friday before.  In my enthusiasm I took waaaayyyy to many. This is something that I have never made before and it turned out well.  I would like to make another batch this week. Her is a link to the recipe I used http://ohsheglows.com/2012/09/26/slow-cooker-naked-apple-butter/.  I added 2 tsp of Cinnamon, 1/4 tsp of cloves, 1/4/ tsp of nutmeg and 1/2/ cup of sugar.

This week: I need to order some homeschool books from Amazon, et al. I need to sign G up for Seton English and keep getting the kids out for walks. 

Today I need to pay bills, go for a walk, make more apple butter.

Hidden Life

This is some of what we read yesterday when Gabe and I were readling religion together.  From the Didache Series, Introduction to Catholicism, p. 119 talking about Christ's Hidden Years:

The hiddenlife of Christ is for us the perfect model of humility, industriousness and obedience...

By living in obscurity, he teaches us to fight vanity, which makes us desire to do only what seems great, important, or deserving of praise and notice.  He went about his work day after day without impatience or complaint. 

This is what I had in mind when I named this blog years ago going from an obscure job outside the home to the much more obscure, hidden job of being a homemaker.  It was a somewhat difficult transition.  I really didn't know if I was doing the right thing and one of the main reasons for this was perhaps the lack of acknowledgement that comes your way as a housewife.  It can be a very lonely business being the only one out in the middle of the day with  your own children going for walks in the neighborhood, running errands with your kids while everyone is running errands by themselves over lunch hour or working while their kids are at school or daycare.  Yes I feel like we are odd balls which can be an uncomfortable feeling but it is a feeling that I am learning to embrace.  I am happy to be here.

Poverty through Force Vs. Poverty through Choice--a Quote

"Christianity has nothing to do with either modern capitalism or modern Communism, for Christianity has a capitalism of its own and a communism of its own. Modern capitalism is based on property without responsibility, while Christian capitalism is based on property with responsibility. Modern Communism is based on poverty through force while Christian communism is based on poverty through choice. For a Christian, voluntary poverty is the ideal as exemplified by St. Francis of Assisi, while private property is not an absolute right, but a gift which as such cannot be wasted, but must be administered for the benefit of God's children."--from the essay "The Case for Utopia" by Peter Maurin

An Accomplishment

We made something today. HOORAY!

It is my sisters birthday today so we (me and my two preschoolers) C and E made her birthday cards. We used construction paper and cut out pictures from old greeting cards to glue onto the paper and wrote a birthday message, of course. The kids enjoyed cutting pictures out.


This seemingly small endeavor made me feel like I accomplished something today. With a 7 week old baby in the house it is hard to feel like you are "accomplishing anything." I guess mostly what I mean is that I don't feel that I have been giving C and E the attention that I would like to give them. They play a lot together but I don't feel like I have been giving them my time. So I am happy that I was able to do something especially for them. 

It is really just a matter of taking the time and just doing it. 

Unexpected

It looks like I will have a csection for this baby.  He is breech we find out last week at 38 weeks and one day.  I suspect he has been that way for quite a while though.  The nst administrator had trouble finding a good spot to pick up the heart beat so the doctor ordered an ultrasound for a biophysical profile.  The baby is doing well.  He is just head up with the cord wrapped around his neck therefore they will not try and turn him around.  I really don't think he will turn on his own either.  I am o.k. with all of this though.  A few years ago I probably would have been freaking out.  I pray the Lord keeps me and the baby safe and I am healed quickly. 

Advent Blessings/ Christmas Poverty

Husband's back surgery on Monday-two weeks before baby is due.  Will he be well enough to drive back and forth from the hospital to check in on the kids?  My husband hasn't pooped since his surgery. Six days.  I'm not sure how serious this is but it makes me worry.

I find out today that my baby is breech and the cord is wrapped around his neck. Because of the nuchal cord the Dr. doesn't want to try and turn him.  It seems probable that I will have a c-section though the baby may turn on his own.

A c-section means one more day in the hospital.  It means that I may need more time for recovery.  It means that I will probably have to rely more on others to get household work done.  And the idea of being cut open and the pain of recovery scares me. 

Since my husband is home recovering from surgery I feel like I don't have any time alone.  He is up early so I can't be alone then.  He goes to bed late so I have to stay up later if I want to be alone.  I am cross with him and he patiently endures it. 

Maybe all this (and I know these problems are nothing compared to what much of the world suffers) is helping me to stick with the basics of the meaning of Christmas and trusting in him more.  I have a gift for everyone here in my immediate family and that is really enough.  I agonize about what to have for Christmas dinner when perhaps I should be thinking more about what food the kids will eat when I am in the hospital. 

I know God is purifying me through all of this. I feel like at the heart of all of this I am learning the lesson of poverty which is what Christmas is.  Christmas is about poverty. 

This Advent

This Advent...

We are not just getting ready for baby Jesus (as if that weren't enough)but also for our baby boy that is due to be born at the beginning of January.  I wish I could write some kind  of deep reflection about expecting a baby at this time of year but nothing of interest really comes to mind.  Mary was about to give birth at this time of year and so am I.  I have a lot that I would  like to do to get ready for Christmas but I also have a lot to do to get ready for a baby.  There should be some kind of spiritual lesson to learn here, shouldn't there?  Alas, I am not able to articulate it. 

Hubs has been doing a great job of making sure we gather around the Advent wreath every night. This used to be my job but I am happy to have him take the lead.  We light the candle, say the Advent prayer and read from the days Gospel.  We then sing Advent songs like Maria walks amid the Thorn, and Gabriel's Message ( I think it is called), and a Christmas Carols so the kids can learn some before Christmas.  He calls Advent "ours" because neither he nor I grew up with any Advent traditions to speak of but we have developed our own with the help of Catholic websites and bloggers.  

We have some Jesse Tree ornaments that we made together as a family when my oldest was an only child.  We tape those to the fireplace mantle after I tell the kids a little bit about each one.  We also have an Advent Calendar with little books for each day that tells a bible story in Jesse Tree style or has a Christmas Carol to sing or a little prayer to say. 

These are some really very simple things that we have been doing as we have built a little bit of an Advent repertoire over the past few years with the help of websites like CatholicCulture.org.  The best part is that we have been praying as a family every night this week.  I'm grateful and hope that we continue at least throughout this season of Advent. 

This one is for the Bishops

Blessed are you when men revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account.  Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so men persecuted the prophets who were before you. Matthew 5:14

eleven weeks pregnant

June 13, 2012

I am eleven weeks pregnant today.  I have my first doctors appointment a week from tomorrow.  We saw an ultrasound at six weeks because we had two previous miscarriages and wanted some indication of how things were going to go.  We did see a heartbeat (hooray!) but also know that this doesn't mean there are any guarantees.  That is one of the biggest lessons you learn after having a few, or even just one miscarriage.  If we hear a heart beat at the doctor appointment next week then we will start sharing the news.  That would make me very happy. 

The babies due date will be January 2, 2013.  I will be 43 when the baby is born.  Andy will be 47.  Hmmm... who knows what God has planned.

Our Garden Plot

We've been gardening. There is a community garden about five miles away from where we live and we got a plot. It has been fun working with Gabe and seeing him try to make it all work out whether it is working to try and get the clumps out of the soil or answering my questions about what he thinks we should do about this and that since we are novice gardeners and trying to figure tings out. He hasn't shown an interest in gardening for a few years but now he seems to be enjoying it.


Gabe, the two little ones and myself have been driving out the "the garden" and it is fun to see the little ones want to imitate us big ones. Hoes and rakes for kids are sold at the hardware store and I think that I should have bought them (maybe Istill will) because the little kids really want to help and there is plenty of space for them to muck around on the part of the garden that hasn't been planted yet. The dirt is very clumpy it would truly be helpful for the to hack away at the clumps with us.

Anyway, it seems we were taking a break from our formal homeschooling and working in our garden has provided us with a place to get out of the house (and for Gabe to come up from the basement) and do some hands on learning. It's good for us.

Ten Rules to Being Happy Parents

I found this here.

Here are some excellent points from a book called Christ in the Home by Father Raoul Plus, S.J., copyright 1951:


1. Always appear before your family in good humor.
Nothing is so depressing as a father or mother out of
sorts. See that the family never has to suffer because of
your nervousness or irritability.

2.Never weary in cheering your family with your smile. It
is not enough to avoid depressing them; you must
brighten them up and let their spirits expand. Be especially
vigilant when the little ones are around. Give them
the alms of a smile, hard though it be at times. What a pity
when children have to say, “I don’t like it at home.”

3.What can be shared, speak of it openly. If something
must not be told, then don’t tell it. Do share what
you can so everyone profits by your experience, especially
the family.

4.Amiably show the greatest interest in the smallest
things. Family problems are generally not affairs of
state, but everything that concerns those we love most
in this world should be worthy of interest: the baby’s
first tooth, the honor ribbon won at school, the entrance
of one of the little ones into the Holy Childhood
Association.

5.Banish exaggerated asceticism from your life. If your
home is Christian and each member of the family is
learning to carry his cross, then it is essential to avoid
making others suffer by a too ostentatious or inopportune
austerity. There is abundant opportunity for self renunciation
in devoting oneself to procuring joy for others.
Marie Antoinette de Geuser used to sacrifice her great longing
for recollection and her taste for a simple life by accompanying
her brothers to evening affairs for which she
wore dresses that she said “made her look vain.”

6. Be sure to treat all alike. Nothing is so disrupting to
home life as favoritism for one or the other child.
The same measure for all!

7. Never think of yourself, but always of them in a joyous
spirit. Henry the Fourth of France used to crawl
around on all fours, with his children on his back, to
enliven the family get-together. Louis Racine, son of the
famous French playwright, author of “Athalie,” relates,
“My father was never so happy as when he was free to
leave the royal court and spend a few days with us. Even
in the presence of strangers, he dared to be a father; he
belonged to all our games.”

8. Never begin an argument; always speak prudently.
Discussion should not be banned unless it develops
into bickering. A free habit of exchanging ideas on a
broadening subject cannot but be profitable; the children
should even be encouraged and led into it to develop
in them a wise and discriminating mind and a
habit of suspended judgment. Unsavory and disturbing
subjects and those beyond their depth naturally
ought to be avoided.

9. Always act patiently and answer graciously. That it
takes the “patience of an angel” to rule vigilantly
over the little world of the family is beyond question.
Affability is essential.

10. By good will you will gain hearts and souls without
exception. Loving much is the key to gain all.
These slogans for a happy home life are not marvels
of prose, but do express a precious rule of wise
family discipline.

Adapted from Father Raoul Plus, S.J.’s Christ in the Home
(Colorado Springs, CO: Gardner Brothers, 1951), 241–
243. Christ in the Home is a treasure chest of advice for
Catholics on the practical and spiritual concerns of raising
a family.

Real Love

I was struck by the reading for the Evening Office tonight. It was Romans 5:6-10.  To quote part of it: "It is rare that anyone should lay down his life for a just man, though it is barely possible that for a good man someone may have the courage to die.  It is precisely in this that God proves his love for us: that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."


This is what marriage--what being a Christian-- is supposed to be about.  We are supposed to give ourselves completely to our spouse, to love them, even when they aren't or we feel they aren't loving us with the love we would like.  It says right there that this is how God proved his love for us: by dying for us when we were still sinners; not nice people; not loving and kind people; and most definately not people who returned his love--sinners.

Jesus gives us the ultimate example of love--to give and not expect or want something back in return. Jesus allowed offered himself to die the violent death of a criminal for people who hated him; for people who would never love him. This is mind boggling to someone who can easily retreat  into  interior hurt with the slightest offense.  This means that real love takes a lot of strength and, it goes without saying, a lot of grace.

This means not returning wrong for wrong, or insult for insult; or turning inward to nurse your emotional wounds.  This means being insulted, ignored, feeling unloved and still offering yourself--giving.  It has been said that this is the best way to deal with hurt from another person.  Do something for the person who has hurt you or for someone else so you don't get bogged down in your own troubles and you can be healed.

Mother Theresa comes to mind.  She experienced a dark night of the soul for something like 50 years and, if I am correct, no one but her spiritual director was aware of her inner anguish.  Although she was suffering, she continued her work of helping others and brought Christ to them.  Again, mind boggling, completely self-giving real love.  Wow!

An act of love, an act of will.

Learning to Love Others Over Yourself

"Those who love themselves with a love that seeks themselves and the world--that seeks creatures more than God--are never satisfied--never quiet.  They are always uneasy, always tormented, always upset." Cure d'Ars

This quote reminds me of myself.  This is not because I am always seeking worldy possessions like lots of money and shiny new stuff; but because I want things my own way and I get upset when they aren't.  This is especially true in my relationship with my husband.  I find myself very often looking at what my husband should be doing for me to meet my needs.

But what if I changed my default way of thinking to think more of my husbands needs than my own?
Do you suppose I could be happier if I thought more about someone else than myself?   Am I afraid that if I stop thinking about my own needs more than my husband's that I won't get my needs met?  Yes I guess so.  But maybe the things that I think I so desperately need: that my husband talk with me about deep feelings, ask me out on dates, notice every time I clean the bathroom sink, or whatever aren't really what I need.  Do you suppose that if I start thinking about my husbands needs "most of the time" that God will take care of my needs?  Maybe I shoud stop worrying that my husband isn't meeting my needs and be filled with confidence that Jesus will take care of needs that I didn't even think that I had.  Then perhaps I would stop seeking myself and what I think will make me happy and I would be seeking God.  Maybe then I would stop feeling so "unsatisfied, tormented, uneasy, and upset."

  And yet if I did change to a new other focused way of thinking I would still only be doing what I was supposed to be doing.  "...when  you have done all that you were commanded, say 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty'"-Luke 17:10

A Shy Person's Prayer

I really wish that I were the kind of person that could walk up and have a friendly conversation with anybody.  I'm not.  Although I do have an introverted personality,  I love connecting and talking with people and when the conditions are right I do. 

For example, I would love to talk to my neighbor who is also a musician, and a well known one around town at that. I dream of striking up a conversation about how I used to play in a band with someone who is in his band and how he would find out about how I played bass and then he would want to get together and jam or maybe he would let me sit in with him on a number or two at a gig. But at best I give him a little wave from across the yard.  

Is this something I should offer up and take as just being the way things are or should I be less passive and take more chances?  Is it right for me to ask God to give me the strenght to be more social with people or do I need to take a step in that direction first using sheer will to make the first move?  I know the real answer is to step out in faith and God will provide everything else needed to do his will.  I could really use a swift kick in the rear from the Holy Spirit.
Dear Lord, help me to reach out in love to my neighbor.  Give me words and courage.  Heal me from hurts incurred from others when I have tried reaching out in the past so that I may be able to speak with confidence and joy.  Sometimes I feel trapped in my own fear of certain people and situations.  Help me to overcome this so that I may experience peace in the joy of communion with my fellow man.