Outside on a Fall Day; Reflections on Where to Live

It's been so so long since I posted anything.  I wanted to get pics of the kids out in their warm clothes on a somewhat crisp morning after relatively warm days.  This week is kind of a big week for us with symphony rehearsals and birthdays.  We just had our back yard fenced in and I love it.  I don't have to tell the kids to stay in our yard and I don't have to worry about them getting into our large window well. It is nice to be able to send them out and have them be contained.  

We are considering moving from our little house.  We are trying to fix it up so it is nice for us at least and then if we want to we can put it on the market in reasonably good shape.  If we stay here we will have this place paid off in 11 years, my husband can continue to bike to work, we have the option of taking bikes on various errands.  We could move to another house in the city and that would be alright but I think our property taxes would be much higher than they are now.  We often consider moving to the country which would be a big change for us and it would mean a second car and husband driving much farther to work.  

In the country we would have more area for a bigger garden, we have options for things like keeping bees, chickens, quiet, more space to run, implementing homesteading ideas.  Of course keeping animals does come with added responsibilities and less opportunity to roam and come and go as you please.  I haven't traveled much in my life and I wonder if I ever will go over seas.  We also talk about going to Main and French Canada and speak French.  

We do live in a pretty little neighborhood with lots of trees and chipmunks, squirrels, birds, sometimes deer in our back yard and I also like the idea of making do where we are.  It would be less trouble; but going for the option just because it "less trouble" isn't how we want to live life is it?  

Hidden Life

This is some of what we read yesterday when Gabe and I were readling religion together.  From the Didache Series, Introduction to Catholicism, p. 119 talking about Christ's Hidden Years:

The hiddenlife of Christ is for us the perfect model of humility, industriousness and obedience...

By living in obscurity, he teaches us to fight vanity, which makes us desire to do only what seems great, important, or deserving of praise and notice.  He went about his work day after day without impatience or complaint. 

This is what I had in mind when I named this blog years ago going from an obscure job outside the home to the much more obscure, hidden job of being a homemaker.  It was a somewhat difficult transition.  I really didn't know if I was doing the right thing and one of the main reasons for this was perhaps the lack of acknowledgement that comes your way as a housewife.  It can be a very lonely business being the only one out in the middle of the day with  your own children going for walks in the neighborhood, running errands with your kids while everyone is running errands by themselves over lunch hour or working while their kids are at school or daycare.  Yes I feel like we are odd balls which can be an uncomfortable feeling but it is a feeling that I am learning to embrace.  I am happy to be here.

This one is for the Bishops

Blessed are you when men revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account.  Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so men persecuted the prophets who were before you. Matthew 5:14

Our Garden Plot

We've been gardening. There is a community garden about five miles away from where we live and we got a plot. It has been fun working with Gabe and seeing him try to make it all work out whether it is working to try and get the clumps out of the soil or answering my questions about what he thinks we should do about this and that since we are novice gardeners and trying to figure tings out. He hasn't shown an interest in gardening for a few years but now he seems to be enjoying it.


Gabe, the two little ones and myself have been driving out the "the garden" and it is fun to see the little ones want to imitate us big ones. Hoes and rakes for kids are sold at the hardware store and I think that I should have bought them (maybe Istill will) because the little kids really want to help and there is plenty of space for them to muck around on the part of the garden that hasn't been planted yet. The dirt is very clumpy it would truly be helpful for the to hack away at the clumps with us.

Anyway, it seems we were taking a break from our formal homeschooling and working in our garden has provided us with a place to get out of the house (and for Gabe to come up from the basement) and do some hands on learning. It's good for us.

Real Love

I was struck by the reading for the Evening Office tonight. It was Romans 5:6-10.  To quote part of it: "It is rare that anyone should lay down his life for a just man, though it is barely possible that for a good man someone may have the courage to die.  It is precisely in this that God proves his love for us: that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."


This is what marriage--what being a Christian-- is supposed to be about.  We are supposed to give ourselves completely to our spouse, to love them, even when they aren't or we feel they aren't loving us with the love we would like.  It says right there that this is how God proved his love for us: by dying for us when we were still sinners; not nice people; not loving and kind people; and most definately not people who returned his love--sinners.

Jesus gives us the ultimate example of love--to give and not expect or want something back in return. Jesus allowed offered himself to die the violent death of a criminal for people who hated him; for people who would never love him. This is mind boggling to someone who can easily retreat  into  interior hurt with the slightest offense.  This means that real love takes a lot of strength and, it goes without saying, a lot of grace.

This means not returning wrong for wrong, or insult for insult; or turning inward to nurse your emotional wounds.  This means being insulted, ignored, feeling unloved and still offering yourself--giving.  It has been said that this is the best way to deal with hurt from another person.  Do something for the person who has hurt you or for someone else so you don't get bogged down in your own troubles and you can be healed.

Mother Theresa comes to mind.  She experienced a dark night of the soul for something like 50 years and, if I am correct, no one but her spiritual director was aware of her inner anguish.  Although she was suffering, she continued her work of helping others and brought Christ to them.  Again, mind boggling, completely self-giving real love.  Wow!

An act of love, an act of will.

Learning to Love Others Over Yourself

"Those who love themselves with a love that seeks themselves and the world--that seeks creatures more than God--are never satisfied--never quiet.  They are always uneasy, always tormented, always upset." Cure d'Ars

This quote reminds me of myself.  This is not because I am always seeking worldy possessions like lots of money and shiny new stuff; but because I want things my own way and I get upset when they aren't.  This is especially true in my relationship with my husband.  I find myself very often looking at what my husband should be doing for me to meet my needs.

But what if I changed my default way of thinking to think more of my husbands needs than my own?
Do you suppose I could be happier if I thought more about someone else than myself?   Am I afraid that if I stop thinking about my own needs more than my husband's that I won't get my needs met?  Yes I guess so.  But maybe the things that I think I so desperately need: that my husband talk with me about deep feelings, ask me out on dates, notice every time I clean the bathroom sink, or whatever aren't really what I need.  Do you suppose that if I start thinking about my husbands needs "most of the time" that God will take care of my needs?  Maybe I shoud stop worrying that my husband isn't meeting my needs and be filled with confidence that Jesus will take care of needs that I didn't even think that I had.  Then perhaps I would stop seeking myself and what I think will make me happy and I would be seeking God.  Maybe then I would stop feeling so "unsatisfied, tormented, uneasy, and upset."

  And yet if I did change to a new other focused way of thinking I would still only be doing what I was supposed to be doing.  "...when  you have done all that you were commanded, say 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty'"-Luke 17:10

A Shy Person's Prayer

I really wish that I were the kind of person that could walk up and have a friendly conversation with anybody.  I'm not.  Although I do have an introverted personality,  I love connecting and talking with people and when the conditions are right I do. 

For example, I would love to talk to my neighbor who is also a musician, and a well known one around town at that. I dream of striking up a conversation about how I used to play in a band with someone who is in his band and how he would find out about how I played bass and then he would want to get together and jam or maybe he would let me sit in with him on a number or two at a gig. But at best I give him a little wave from across the yard.  

Is this something I should offer up and take as just being the way things are or should I be less passive and take more chances?  Is it right for me to ask God to give me the strenght to be more social with people or do I need to take a step in that direction first using sheer will to make the first move?  I know the real answer is to step out in faith and God will provide everything else needed to do his will.  I could really use a swift kick in the rear from the Holy Spirit.
Dear Lord, help me to reach out in love to my neighbor.  Give me words and courage.  Heal me from hurts incurred from others when I have tried reaching out in the past so that I may be able to speak with confidence and joy.  Sometimes I feel trapped in my own fear of certain people and situations.  Help me to overcome this so that I may experience peace in the joy of communion with my fellow man.