Self-Searching

Well husband and 12 year old son are away until Sunday. I am home alone with baby girl, now 10 months, for the rest of the week. Here is a list of what I hope to accomplish:

1. Declutter basement
2. Practice music
3. Visit friend(s)
4. Work on my rule of life-house work scheduled
5. Blog
6. Think about what I need to do for myself or self-searching

What do I need to think about in my self-searching?

I need to think about any perfectionism that I have that is not from God. How do I "rule over" my husband and my son? I feel that I need to make sure my husband does what he is supposed to being in : taking care of his diabetes, gettng enough sleep, making sure he stays on schedule and I'm sure I will think of a few other things. Whew! how exhausting! Why do I feel I need to take care of these things for him? How can I let go of the need to control?

I was thinking about this yesterday and today and was wondering if I look at his imperfections because I am afraid to deal with my own. Does it keep me from having to examine my own life? I was thinking about this when I was decluttering the basement yesterday. There is so much of my stuff that I keep that I don't need to keep and I have in the past looked at the stuff he has held onto and judged it as being worthless.

I also need to look at what I need to do to have more joy in my life. It was recently brought up at a homeschool mom retreat that we were meant to have joy in our vocation and that it is our obligation to find out what is taking away our joy. There are so many times when I am angry when I am depressed. Why is this? The question is , "What is taking away my joy or, "What do I need to do to bring more joy into my life or to at leasts allow more joy into my life?"

Something that I think would make a difference in my life would be to reach out to people and form close relationships with others outside my family. Husband and I have always talked about having people over for dinner but we never do. There are some women in the homeschool group that I would love to talke to more at length and in depth about marriage, children, etc. I will think about this.